Nobody wants to be an alcoholic more than me.

I'm a non-drinking, non-cig-smoking, pot-smoker. Basically, this means I don't go out very much and sit at home laughing a lot. For the most part, I feel like a total loser. As much as I complain about how bars and clubs are a waste of time and money (and part of me knows this is usually true), I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on something very exciting. Sure we can hide behind the pretense that trendy club people are intellectually inferior and spiritually void, but this is just an assumption. Being a left-wing hippie-type person, I don't actually get to associate a lot with people on the Other Side. All I have are pictures that show them having an awesome time.

I just finished looking at someone's photo gallery with pictures of trendy girls with shiney, streaked hair showing lots of cleavage and hipster guys with those perfectly faded jeans and vintage-print t-shirts at a bar or a club looking like they're having the time of their lives. I don't have pictures like that. My pictures are of camping trips - buncha white people in plaid around a camp fire; or my puppy Peaches being cute; or my best asian friends at dinner on the rare occasions when we actually all get together. My vaction pics are of architecture and landscape; funny faces; funny signs. That's why I haven't put up an online gallery because who would want to see that??? I don't think I have any pictures of hot people getting drunk. The only hot people I know I only get to see at (of all places!) in strip clubs where (as I have learned) you cannot take any pictures. Not even of your friends.

So am I boring? Sure I watch an unhealthy amount of TV, and I can rarely muster up more than 5 minutes of chit-chat... but I have interesting things to say - sometimes. Right? I don't know anymore. Going out to a club and bar sober is torture. At first it's fine, and I feel great being out. But as people start drinking more and more, it's only natural that they become increasingly obnoxious. And then I start to resent the people around me for having a better time than me. It's unfair, I know... but I actually physically cannot handle alcohol and it bugs the hell out of me. Pot's not the same. Pot makes me want to sit somewhere and talk forever. I can't do coke anymore because it's too expensive and besides it's a stupid drug anyway that'll ruin your brain and your relationships with people (sadly I've seen it happen). Everything else is too far out for public places. I just want something legal that I can abuse and get high off of! Sometimes I wish to God I could drink just so I don't feel so left out.