everything in its place

lately, i've been finding a lot of inspiration from the idea that everything on this earth - in this universe - is made of the same fundamental matter. you could call it quarks an electrons, but maybe there's something even more fundamental than that which even encompasses that which we dream and think and feel. different forms of reality, anything that projects or retains energy.

i find myself reflecting on where i fit in this world of ours and i'm just filled with a feeling of gratitude. not because of the material things i have though of course it's great to wear cute outfits and live in my own condo, but when i really think about how the universe presents stranger after stranger, challenge after challenge, and it just blows my mind how many friends and rewards one acquires over a lifetime.

displacement

all my life i've suffered from bouts of depression, guilt, frustration... and it dawned on me sometime while i was sleeping last night that some of it at least is the product of displacement. either the displacement of a person or thing in my life where i'm continually trying to force-fit some ideal and being disappointed that things just AREN'T.

how i've tossed and turned at night over things that i wanted. i used to think that was ambition - right? to intensely want something? but having been working seriously now for two years, i can say that success has only come through intensely focusing on creativity, and the power of desire has only blind-sighted me.

creativity as a means of attracting shtuff

it's obvious that there are some people and things we are naturally drawn to or who are naturally drawn to us, but even that's not necessarily a direct result of our desire. the more direct way to acquire something we want is to do something to attract it - like get into a new type of music, create a new look, read a new book, write a new resume, change your voicemail message. i really do see all of this as creativity... it's putting yourself into a place to acquire something new be it a skill, knowledge, friends or recognition.

dancing as a religion

i need to get home to put together a playlist for leann's birthday party. here's what i have so far:

1. 99 Red Balloons by Nena
2. Hong Kong Garden by Siouxie and the Banshees
3. D.A.N.C.E. by Justice

if dancing were a religion, i'm gonna be praying my ass off tonight!