Stuff I Like to Do and Should Do More Often in General

It's been almost two months since I moved to my place in the Beaches. I'm learning about independence, and what I've discovered so far is that it's not just about being able to feed yourself and keep your shit neat and clean. Contrary to my mother's belief (whose impression of me will forever be retarded at 16 years old), I'm pretty good at the day-to-day staying alive business.

The real challenge, I've found, is trying to not become listless or depressed. Actually I think listlessness is a symptom of depression, so I always try to make plans every weekend that involve other people to ensure I don't lie in bed for 48 hours wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life.

But I'd like to not rely on special events. Especially with winter being right around the corner, there will be weeks when I won't have big weekend plans to look forward to. I've come up with a few solid activities that I am trying to integrate into my life to keep cabin fever at bay:

Writing
I've started writing the outline of a story about two young friends who believe that invisibility can be achieved with the mental negation of your Self. I've been able to go pretty deep into the narrative, but I'm having real trouble writing dialogue that sounds believable. Blargh.

Drawing
I have the Clown issue of VICE and I want to draw the clown portraits in pastel. It'll look awesome, but I need to go to Curry's and pick up some brighter coloured pastels for the clown hair.

Music
Ukulele. The one I bought at Steve's is fucked, so I have to bring it in to see if they can fix the top string. If not, I'll need to buy another one. I actually enjoy the uke more than the piano. It's got such a great sound and I've been able to pick it up pretty quickly. I'd also like to pick up a melodica if I ever come across a nice one.

Pole Dancing
Laugh if you like, but my body has never looked hotter. I've been taking classes since June at Aradia Fitness and have mastered all kinds of fancy spins and recently nailed the infamous inversion. Some people have asked if I'm taking classes because I want to go pro, but it's one thing to enjoy pole dancing at an all-girls studio vs. performing naked in a strip club. I just love the joyous abandon of spinning on a brass pole. I would encourage any girl of any body type or age to try it. Let me know if you want to take a free teaser class, I can set it up for ya!

Relationships
I'm not good at letting people close to me. I like getting close to people (as Laura once said, I'm a very "penetrative" person), but when it comes to letting people see my icky, sappy innards... I generally feel disinclined to do so. This started when I was quite young; I never wanted to tell my mom if anything was wrong because I didn't want to stress her out or be yelled at. Or worse, have her try to fix my problems for me. So I keep shit tight to my chest and try to fix everything all on my own. This doesn't usually work out. And it alienates people who I've helped but who never get to help me in return.

Here There Everywhere

Things have been weirdly changing and weirdly the same. Two weeks ago, I was flying and now I'm swimming in a vast ocean with no idea which way is land. Everything is fine and yet not quite. I've made friends with my new team, but I still don't feel like I'm a part of anything. Our wee apartment is lovely in the springtime, yet our washer's broken. I'm finally taking pole dancing lessons, but now I can't bend my arms at the elbows all the way.

In many ways, I'm used to this... the ever changing tide of an emotional Piscean. I suspect that I've lost my way in the demands of others. Putting me in an undefined role allows me too much room to roam and I think I've roamed too far. In the past two weeks, I've gone from being an acting creative director to submitting recommendations for a social media strategy. There haven't been any new competitive reviews to do, which is weird. And quite frankly, I'm annoyed that I still don't have a job title.

I know that job titles don't mean shit. Especially in my industry. But I still want one. It's like having an address or a phone number. How are people supposed to know who the hell you are? So that might be why I'm on edge, that and the fact that I haven't sat down and talked to my boss in two weeks either. Clearly it's all in my head because all I need to do is knock on his door and say hi. But I feel weird about it because I don't have anything to show him. The work I've been doing has been for other people. I feel silly for wasting his time. Argh. I should check and see if he's still here.

OK he's not there, but tomorrow I'm gonna do it. Why am I such a neurotic beast sometimes???

P.S. Did you notice that I just added twitter to my blog? It's easier than blogging and gets updated daily.