How can everything suck so bad but feel so good?

This is not a work blog. I'm not going to gripe about work on this blog because there is so much more to life than just work. There's music, art, friends and family, all this richness that I have to admit, the fact that I make a regular salary is definately a benefit in facilitating all these wonderful areas of my life.

But today was FUCKED! Basically, I've been trying to coordinate an online survey with someone in Montreal and they made a last-minute, critical decision without notifying me or anyone on my team about it, and then my manager got all intensely disatisfied and I felt like such a dumbass for not being more "proactive" on the project, and yeah, it totally was my fault for not calling them last night to check up on them even though I was here til 7:30, but it's also true that they should have notified me sooner - before they made the decision, but anyway, this is one of those days when I really hate this bullshit back and forth, and I'm trying very hard not to take this personally because I'm still learning yes, I'm still young and learning and I can't be perfect all the time.

Sigh.

The DECEMBERISTS were super-fantastique last night! Their latest album is a total snooze, but they are wonderful musicians and got all 1,000 people at the Koolhaus singing and dancing together. I haven't seen that many bands who do this (as in interact with the crowd and get them involved with the show). In my experience, it's only been the Decemberists and Akron/Family - two of my favouritest bands. I don't like the idea of musicians being worshipped like gods, acting like they're doing us a favour for putting on a show. But that's the hippie side of me talking, all men are equal, blah blah blah. I say this now, but see if I don't piss myself if I ever met Madonna or Bono in real life.

But you know the scene in Baraka where a crowd of native African people are waving their hands in the air and out infront of them and making a crazy sound. Now place yourself at dingy little Lee's Palace, suffocatingly hot because they never turn on the air for concerts, and imagine all these trendy little indie tits doing this in concert with the band, Akron/Family. Fucking awesome!

O Lord, open my heart,
Lord bring me near!
Lord, open my heart, and
Turn it into a mirror.
To reflect the myriad colour lights
of Love and Space.

- Akron/Family

I'm not a religious person - in fact, I would be inclined to change the word "lord" to "please" - but I'm a pretty spiritual person in that I feel very connected to this crazy world of ours. I'm sensitive to the changes in the air, the changes in politics and culture, and to me, love and space are the elements that tie us all together - sentient beings to non.

Singing that song at an Akron/Family show is the closest I've ever come to feeling a spiritual connection with an unorganized religion - and that's the way I like it!