Chinese TP

That joke about how little old Chinese women stock up on years worth of toilet paper just because it's on sale is completely true. The bedroom in the basement of my mom's house is used exclusively for toilet paper storage. She recently bought Ryan and I a "gift" of some Chinese toilet paper. She does this from time-to-time, but this she said was a really good deal. Only a dollar for twenty rolls! The basement bedroom is probably stocked to the ceiling.

But something just isn't adding up. First off, the packaging is written in Chinese and offers absolutely no English or French translation - a must for any Canadian product. This means that not only was this package imported from half-way around the world, but it was so fucking cheap that they could still flog it for one dollar. One hundred fucking cents. That's five cents a roll. Canadian. CAD.

Upon closer inspection - specifically while on the toilet yesterday, I noticed that my toilet paper was glinting at me. There are little shiney pieces of what I can only assume is tin foil in my toilet paper. There are little red and brown spots on my toilet paper. My toilet paper has the same texture and slight stretch-ability as crepe paper.

In spite of all the signs that suggest that perhaps I am using poorly recycled toilet paper from China, I wiped my ass anyway, and will continue to wipe my ass until all twenty rolls are gone because I am a potential old Chinese woman and I can't resist the five cents per roll, so all I can say is thank god I don't have hemroids. And I hope I don't get any weird ass diseases.