Open your eyes.

Yesterday, I went to celebrate my friend Ryan's birthday. Ryan and I have history - not that many people I know have history with me. I'm still young, that's why. I've known him since I was 17 years old. I used to visit him in his bachelor apartment on Brunswick while he was studying mechanical engineering at UofT.

Last night was his 27th birthday. He showed me pictures of girls he's seeing and we laughed together at the intelligible voicemail message his Korean ex-girlfriend left him wishing him a happy birthday. Then we got stoned, put on some psytrance and watched screensavers for an hour.

Ryan is a pivotol person in my life. He turned me on to psychedelic music and thinking. If you've read my story Psychedelia, it mentions how Piper at the Gates of Dawn by Pink Floyd changed my whole life. Ryan was behind all of that, and all this time, I thought he was an important part of my life because of it. I've always stayed in touch even though we never see each other, and I willingly listen to him talk about girls because that's all he ever talks about.

Last night was the first time we've hung out since I was in high school. And it was awkward. I realised that I don't know Ryan anymore. I know all about his girlfriends, but I know nothing about him. And in the marijuana haze, I looked at him and couldn't remember him from The Before Time either. Besides the lime green walls of his old college apartment, I don't recall much about the time we spent together or what we ever talked about. Whatever friendship I imagined that we had still shared was all in my head. Sure we have history, but it means shit all between a university student just messing around til he was out of school and a high school student trying to find Something Else in life worth living for.

He knew me when I was just a wayward high school student. When I used lie to my mom to go downtown. When I used to eagerly take the 2 hour transit ride to his place and back at night when my mom would worry. When I would listen to him and think he was the coolest shit in the world. Last night, I made fun of him the entire night and I got home on time. I laughed at his apathy, his attitude towards girls, his pathetic attention span. Funny how the tables have turned. In many ways, he hasn't changed a bit. In even more ways, I have changed completely.

Ryan will always be someone that I know. Every once in awhile, we will meet at parties and we might even hang out again (though pizza & a screen saver is hardly something I'd clear my agenda for). Tonight, he has a date with a hot girl #50 and I wish him luck. He said he wanted #50 to be special, and I hope she is that for him. When it comes to sex, it's only as special as you want it to be (actually, that's with most things in life isn't it?). I hope they enjoy the birthday corn I brought him.

This was from Om2004 - an annual psychedelic festival (last year was its last official year). It was amazing whenever I walked by it that night I felt ever more sure that we were in Wonderland. Right now, I'm listening to a band called The Olivia Tremor Control. Ryan leant this CD to me when we first met, and I loved it but never got a copy. Now I remember what I loved about it - it's pure psychedelic loveliness. Everyone has one kind of music that speaks to their soul. Psychedelic rock plays me like a violin every time.