Ryan found me Thom Yorke's solo album. I've only heard the first couple of songs on the way to work, and it was pretty boring, but I just haven't had time to really get in to it. Things have been pretty crazy at work and in real life. Besides getting busted for blogging about my office (see post below), I'm also going through lots of internal turmoil. Ryan said I was talking in my sleep two nights ago. That creeps me out more than anything. What's going through this little round head of mine? What could be so mind-consuming that it manifests in my dreams? I don't remember. But I can feel the anger burning inside, and at what or at whom I cannot figure.

I've started spending a lot of time in Trinity Bellwoods after work. It's a really nice place to relax and listen to music and write and read. Nothing prepared me for how depressing being an intern can be. First off, it doesn't feel like you belong anywhere. You don't really have to work with anyone except your immediate manager. You have no credibility and no money. And you have to work hard anyway. The only things that get me through the day are the occasional Starbucks coffee, a giant bottle of elderflower greenbottle, and Trinity.

But I've been complaining about limbo for a long time. I wasn't satisfied as a student and I'm not satisfied as an intern. Maybe I'm just a malcontent? I hope not because I spent $40 on the Art of Happiness, and if I'm actually a malcontent, then all the spirituality in the world wouldn't be able to help me.

I think I just need to keep doing things that make myself happy. Stop being so sleepy. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Ryan is trying to become a beefcake, and I told him he has to start obsessing about himself. Fall in love with himself a little. Maybe I need to do that too? It's not that either of us suffer from self-deprevation, but we both get caught up in each others shit because we're living in it all the time. It's no wonder we spend so many evenings watching television together, not talking because it's always the same bullshit every day.

I need to stop smoking the green. I've been saying this for a month now, and I've been semi-successful. I've definately cut down a lot. But I'm still sleepy all the time! That probably has more to do with my iron deficiency than my drug habit.

I love this drawing of Thom. He looks like how I feel inside.