Confessions of Min_o
Dear Blog,
Yes, I'm doing one of those dear-blog-i'm-so-sorry-for-neglecting-you-but-let-me-explain-why posts.
School is over. I have a meeting tomorrow with my course co-ordinator, which will no doubt be a long lecture about my committment to the program (or something of such tone), and I will have to explain to him the insanity that is planning the Python/Orgasm Christmas Party.
I consider it my Get Out of Jail Free card, and god knows I've earned it.
There's only five days left til the party, and I've finally got everything nailed. It's definately nothing near what I started with in the beginning, but that's not a bad thing. One thing that this whole experience has taught me is that when you're throwing a party with someone else's money, you can't say shit all about anything. I've learned not to take this so personally. And in the end, it's just a job.
One thing that I can say for sure about this party is that it's going to be FUCKING FABULOUS. It's not the Playboy Mansion, but it's going to be fun. We've got entertainment coming out the yin yang (thanks to Damian) and we've got a DJ who's going to rock the house. I can't believe I didn't think of him right away, Osaze, he's been DJing the local rock clubs for like 10 years, and he has a great bum! I thought I was going to have to settle for a production company DJ because nobody seemed to want to make me a fucking sample tape. Some guy actually asked me for $200 for him to make me a sample tape! wtf? Anyway, Osaze has personality and he'd never be asked to spin at a bar mitzvah (unless the kid was a goth punk).
But enough about the party. What about min_o - the person - the girl? I always lose myself at school. There's something about being around the people in my program that turns me into a cold, disinterested bitch. And it's only the people in my program who bother me because I'm the kind of person who'll hang out in the print shop and make friends with the geeky print shop boy who listens to The Dears and Sublime all day. He's so adorable - he and I sang and danced to The Mariner's Revenge Song on one particularly long Tuesday afternoon.
But I've learned not to resent my peers. There are many reasons why I dislike them and yes I can admit that jealousy does play a part. How can a crazy Scarborough girl who was brought up by a crazy Chinese single mom not be jealous of rich Forest Hill girls who all have really nice shoes that I can't afford and cars that I don't even have a license to drive? So last weekend, I went out and bought the pair of brown leather boots I've been thinking about all winter. They cost me more than I'll probably make from planning the Christmas party, but I love them and when I wear them, I don't feel so inferior and frumpy.
The good news is that I still feel like myself. I realise that many of the hobbies I took up over the summer have to be put on hold during the school year, and that it's ok. I'll never lose my desire to draw and paint (in fact my storyboards have never looked better). I stopped break dancing not because I don't have time, but because I need more strength training before I can take it on again. As a result, I'm about to finish my first 8-week session of pilates, and I have signed up for another session that starts in January. Honestly, my ass has never felt finer.
I was afraid that I'd go back to the same old boring Jasmin. Only three years ago this Christmas did I spend my evenings lying on an old couch covered with cat hair watching TV every night, and going out every so often to dance at "Funhaus" because I missed Zen Lounge. I was seriously dumped for the first time that Christmas and at the time, I was so confused because it was one of my few relationships where I didn't cheat. I thought fidelity was the secret key to a successful and longlasting relationship. Naive eh?
Since then, I've discovered many things about myself. I was finally able to face my many many fears and insecurities, and I let them go. It's a lot of work becoming a real person. I didn't grow up in a neighbourhood that encouraged people to be real people - we were all clones of one another. And when I see my friends back in Scarborough now, I can see where I have grown and changed, and where they will always be the same. And I say that without superiority because hey - they're the ones who are getting university degrees and they're going to become accountants and lawyers, and I still have no idea what the fuck I'm going end up being, so it's hard to feel superior just because I have cooler hobbies than they have.
The best thing that came out of all this personal development, and the thing that makes it all worthwhile are the amazing and inspiring people who have come into my life. The people who make me want to go out and read different books, listen to different music, go to different places, etc. Before, I didn't have many people like that in my life. I didn't have a lot of real friends.
Sorry, Blog, for writing your face off. But some things just need to be written down and shared.
Love always,
Jasmin =)
Yes, I'm doing one of those dear-blog-i'm-so-sorry-for-neglecting-you-but-let-me-explain-why posts.
School is over. I have a meeting tomorrow with my course co-ordinator, which will no doubt be a long lecture about my committment to the program (or something of such tone), and I will have to explain to him the insanity that is planning the Python/Orgasm Christmas Party.
I consider it my Get Out of Jail Free card, and god knows I've earned it.
There's only five days left til the party, and I've finally got everything nailed. It's definately nothing near what I started with in the beginning, but that's not a bad thing. One thing that this whole experience has taught me is that when you're throwing a party with someone else's money, you can't say shit all about anything. I've learned not to take this so personally. And in the end, it's just a job.
One thing that I can say for sure about this party is that it's going to be FUCKING FABULOUS. It's not the Playboy Mansion, but it's going to be fun. We've got entertainment coming out the yin yang (thanks to Damian) and we've got a DJ who's going to rock the house. I can't believe I didn't think of him right away, Osaze, he's been DJing the local rock clubs for like 10 years, and he has a great bum! I thought I was going to have to settle for a production company DJ because nobody seemed to want to make me a fucking sample tape. Some guy actually asked me for $200 for him to make me a sample tape! wtf? Anyway, Osaze has personality and he'd never be asked to spin at a bar mitzvah (unless the kid was a goth punk).
But enough about the party. What about min_o - the person - the girl? I always lose myself at school. There's something about being around the people in my program that turns me into a cold, disinterested bitch. And it's only the people in my program who bother me because I'm the kind of person who'll hang out in the print shop and make friends with the geeky print shop boy who listens to The Dears and Sublime all day. He's so adorable - he and I sang and danced to The Mariner's Revenge Song on one particularly long Tuesday afternoon.
But I've learned not to resent my peers. There are many reasons why I dislike them and yes I can admit that jealousy does play a part. How can a crazy Scarborough girl who was brought up by a crazy Chinese single mom not be jealous of rich Forest Hill girls who all have really nice shoes that I can't afford and cars that I don't even have a license to drive? So last weekend, I went out and bought the pair of brown leather boots I've been thinking about all winter. They cost me more than I'll probably make from planning the Christmas party, but I love them and when I wear them, I don't feel so inferior and frumpy.
The good news is that I still feel like myself. I realise that many of the hobbies I took up over the summer have to be put on hold during the school year, and that it's ok. I'll never lose my desire to draw and paint (in fact my storyboards have never looked better). I stopped break dancing not because I don't have time, but because I need more strength training before I can take it on again. As a result, I'm about to finish my first 8-week session of pilates, and I have signed up for another session that starts in January. Honestly, my ass has never felt finer.
I was afraid that I'd go back to the same old boring Jasmin. Only three years ago this Christmas did I spend my evenings lying on an old couch covered with cat hair watching TV every night, and going out every so often to dance at "Funhaus" because I missed Zen Lounge. I was seriously dumped for the first time that Christmas and at the time, I was so confused because it was one of my few relationships where I didn't cheat. I thought fidelity was the secret key to a successful and longlasting relationship. Naive eh?
Since then, I've discovered many things about myself. I was finally able to face my many many fears and insecurities, and I let them go. It's a lot of work becoming a real person. I didn't grow up in a neighbourhood that encouraged people to be real people - we were all clones of one another. And when I see my friends back in Scarborough now, I can see where I have grown and changed, and where they will always be the same. And I say that without superiority because hey - they're the ones who are getting university degrees and they're going to become accountants and lawyers, and I still have no idea what the fuck I'm going end up being, so it's hard to feel superior just because I have cooler hobbies than they have.
The best thing that came out of all this personal development, and the thing that makes it all worthwhile are the amazing and inspiring people who have come into my life. The people who make me want to go out and read different books, listen to different music, go to different places, etc. Before, I didn't have many people like that in my life. I didn't have a lot of real friends.
Sorry, Blog, for writing your face off. But some things just need to be written down and shared.
Love always,
Jasmin =)
posted by min_o at
6:16 PM
1 Comments:
yaaaa!!!! finally!
as always, you sound like you've got it all so together that there is no possible way you could plead neurotic, but then your sweet self-effacing deep self/soul questioning and brutal blogging honesty about it makes for a neurosis more loveable and interesting than if you ever knew how solid gold you got it.
ok, now that was super cryptic, but if you read it really carefully i hope you'll be able to figure out what i was trying to say.
congratulations on the end of party planning horror and ass-busting schoolling. i'm so envious of your ass and i haven't even had a good peek at it yet. my yoga ass was dreamy, but now it's getting all droopy. ...ass implants, hmnnn.
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